Bastard Badger

In the third grade I drew on my body and blamed the school bully I was so convincing in my explanation that my principle took his recess away for the rest of the year.

In the third grade I drew on my body and blamed the school bully I was so convincing in my explanation that my principle took his recess away for the rest of the year.  Bastard Badger

If I see someone being a horrible parent I have no problem with cussing them out in front of their kids

If I see someone being a horrible parent I have no problem with cussing them out in front of their kids  Bastard Badger

When I walk home drunk from the bar and find a car taking up two parking spots i pee all over the driver's side door handle

When I walk home drunk from the bar and find a car taking up two parking spots i pee all over the driver's side door handle  Bastard Badger

When I can access the loudspeaker at walmart i say "customer needs assistance in anal lubrication" twice.

When I can access the loudspeaker at walmart i say

I'm really good at texting AND driving.

I'm really good at texting AND driving.  Bastard Badger

When I'm bored I look at strangers and try to guess how they'll die

When I'm bored I look at strangers and try to guess how they'll die  Bastard Badger

14 years ago my parents had sex and made me they weren't married

14 years ago my parents had sex and made me they weren't married  Bastard Badger

when i see bratty kids forcing there parents to buy them the newest iphone i hope the parents are smokers and smokes around them

when i see bratty kids forcing there parents to buy them the newest iphone  i hope the parents are smokers and smokes around them  Bastard Badger

when i see douchbags parking on the line i park as close as i can to the driver side

when i see douchbags parking on the line i park as close as i can to the driver side  Bastard Badger

I hated a teacher so much I threw a dart into her prosthetic leg when she was passing out homework.

I hated a teacher so much I threw a dart into her prosthetic leg when she was passing out homework.  Bastard Badger
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