I can't believe I gotta go to work on my birthday. I can't believe I have to do laundry on my birthday. I can't believe I have to pay for sex on my birthday!

I can't believe I gotta go to work on my birthday. I can't believe I have to do laundry on my birthday.  I can't believe I have to pay for sex on my birthday! - I can't believe I gotta go to work on my birthday. I can't believe I have to do laundry on my birthday.  I can't believe I have to pay for sex on my birthday!  Jim Gaffigan Not Even Close

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I can't believe I gotta go to work on my birthday. I can't believe I have to do laundry on my birthday. I can't believe I have to pay for sex on my birthday!

I can't believe I gotta go to work on my birthday. I can't believe I have to do laundry on my birthday.  I can't believe I have to pay for sex on my birthday!

You could be a genius. You try and write a postcard, you come across like a moron anyway. "This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye."

You could be a genius.  You try and write a postcard, you come across like a moron anyway.

If you've never been to a Catholic mass, It's still goin' on.

If you've never been to a Catholic mass,  It's still goin' on.

Why are people acting like they’re better than McDonald’s? Maybe instead of buying a Big Mac, you read US Weekly. That’s McDonald’s.

Why are people acting like they’re better than McDonald’s?  Maybe instead of buying a Big Mac, you read US Weekly. That’s McDonald’s.

If you've never been to a Catholic mass, that is the longest experience of your life. It makes you look forward to going to the DMV.

If you've never been to a Catholic mass, that is the longest experience of your life. It makes you look forward to going to the DMV.

So you have vitamins, and then you have "herbal supplements," which are not FDA approved... And just for reference, the Twinkie is.

So you have vitamins, and then you have

Not even close

 Not even close
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