Friend says he will pick me up at 9:00 It's 9:08. He isn't coming.

Friend says he will pick me up at 9:00 It's 9:08. He isn't coming. - Friend says he will pick me up at 9:00 It's 9:08. He isn't coming.  Paranoid Parrot

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Accidently press unlock button miles from car better lock it to be sure

Accidently press unlock button miles from car better lock it to be sure

Crossing a one-way street Looks both ways

Crossing a one-way street Looks both ways

Can't leave facebook open and have porn open at the same time They'll know

Can't leave facebook open and have porn open at the same time They'll know

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

KNOWS THAT THE APARTMENT IS EMPTY EVERY AFTERNOON BETTER CHECK EVERY FUCKIN' ROOM BEFORE TURNING THE PORN ON

KNOWS THAT THE APARTMENT IS EMPTY EVERY AFTERNOON BETTER CHECK EVERY FUCKIN' ROOM BEFORE TURNING THE PORN ON

Read about diseases with one in a million prevalence Convinced I have at least six of them

Read about diseases with one in a million prevalence  Convinced I have at least six of them

Slight chest discomfort Better write my will

Slight chest discomfort Better write my will

3+5? Better use calculator

3+5? Better use calculator

Game Auto-Saves Better save it manually just to be sure

Game Auto-Saves Better save it manually just to be sure
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