for the record penguin

for the record penguin -  JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR THE ORACLE HOUSEWIFE DURING THE AGES OF 20-30 PICKS AND CHOOSES WHEN SHE WANTS TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY. THE ORACLE IS MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY IF HE HAS SIX PACK ABS. THAT WOULD MAKE THE CREEPY OLD GUY KINDA A DIL Socially Awkward Penguin

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More nervous talking to girls Than jumping out of an airplane

More nervous talking to girls Than jumping out of an airplane

Boss:I'm trying to lose 20 pounds before the wedding... Fiancee is trying to lose 50 Coworker: Wow, she must be huge

Boss:I'm trying to lose 20 pounds
before the wedding...
Fiancee is trying to lose 50 Coworker:
Wow, she must be huge

going to see a play practices clapping in the mirror

going to see a play practices clapping in the mirror

open birthday card pretend not to notice money while reading card

open birthday card pretend not to notice money while reading card

exit coming up, too afraid to switch lanes in heavy traffic "guess i'm taking the long way home"

exit coming up, too afraid to switch lanes in heavy traffic

thought about maybe saying something in class adrenaline rush

thought about maybe saying something in class adrenaline rush

friend steals phone and sends "I'm breaking up with you" to my girlfriend I take the phone back "Lol didnt mean to send that to you"

friend steals phone and sends

Rehearses sandwich order before stepping up to counter "I'll have a six inch long white American please."

Rehearses sandwich order before stepping up to counter

about to order at drive-thru better practice ordering while i wait

about to order at drive-thru better practice ordering while i wait

sees cute girl from school at hockey game ask her how her first period went

sees cute girl from school at hockey game  ask her how her first period went
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