for the record penguin

for the record penguin -  JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR THE ORACLE HOUSEWIFE DURING THE AGES OF 20-30 PICKS AND CHOOSES WHEN SHE WANTS TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY. THE ORACLE IS MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY IF HE HAS SIX PACK ABS. THAT WOULD MAKE THE CREEPY OLD GUY KINDA A DIL Socially Awkward Penguin

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mom says she saw what was on your computer don't say anything until you know which thing she saw

mom says she saw what was on your computer don't say anything until you know which thing she saw

Goes the wrong direction pretends he got a text and changes course

Goes the wrong direction pretends he got a text and changes course

Deoderant check oh god hope no one saw me sniffing

Deoderant check oh god hope no one saw me sniffing

Goes bowling with a group of people dreads the awkward walk from the lane back to the seats each turn

Goes bowling with a group of people dreads the awkward walk from the lane back to the seats each turn

clicks on nsfw link at work out of curiosity screen freezes while coworkers walk by giggling at the giant dildo

clicks on nsfw link at work out of curiosity screen freezes while coworkers walk by giggling at the giant dildo

cute girl enters elevator, perfect time to send that important text askjkjghsjdhgkjvnrjwoohg'gnjsngoekkqwern

cute girl enters elevator,  perfect time to send that important text askjkjghsjdhgkjvnrjwoohg'gnjsngoekkqwern

Sees one other person using a urinal pees in a stall

Sees one other person using a urinal pees in a stall

Can't find item in store Buys something else to avoid suspicion of stealing

Can't find item in store Buys something else to avoid suspicion of stealing

Finally gets response from text message sent 3 days ago replies immediately

Finally gets response from text message sent 3 days ago replies immediately

Puts hood on because it's cold outside Take it off because you feel like a thug

Puts hood on because it's cold outside Take it off because you feel like a thug
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