for the record penguin

for the record penguin -  JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR THE ORACLE HOUSEWIFE DURING THE AGES OF 20-30 PICKS AND CHOOSES WHEN SHE WANTS TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY. THE ORACLE IS MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BANG THE CREEPY OLD GUY IF HE HAS SIX PACK ABS. THAT WOULD MAKE THE CREEPY OLD GUY KINDA A DIL Socially Awkward Penguin

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"Finally, the weekend!" Doesn't make any human interaction until Monday

sits next to hot girl on plane "so where are you headed?"

sits next to hot girl on plane

Finds something legitimately funny to post to reddit Too afraid of judgement to post to reddit

Finds something legitimately funny to post to reddit Too afraid of judgement to post to reddit

Makes a phone call "oh god please don't pick up!"

Makes a phone call

Mistaken by stranger for friend she hasn't seen in five years spends entire train ride "catching up" instead of correcting her

Mistaken by stranger for friend she hasn't seen in five years spends entire train ride

Complains about boss to new co-worker "That's my dad."

Complains about boss to new co-worker

girl openly flirts with you oh god what does she want from me

girl openly flirts with you oh god what does she want from me

Knows one person at the party Ends up following them around the entire night

Knows one person at the party Ends up following them around the entire night

Sits on park bench. About to leave when someone else sits next to him Waits a minute, for the person not to think he left because of them

Sits on park bench. About to leave when someone else sits next to him Waits a minute, for the person not to think he left because of them

Tries to hold back a sneeze in class farts

Tries to hold back a sneeze in class farts
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