for the record penguin

for the record penguin - THE REAL USA MILITARY RANKING SYSTEM. IN THE FEEL GOOD MILITARY ACCORDING TO THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF. EVERYTHING REAL PEOPLE ACCOMPLISH IS BLACK OPS. ENLISTED: E-1SCUMBAG E-2APPRENTICE SCUMBAG E-3ORC CAPABILITIES IDENTIFIED E-4MAKE OR BREAK RANK E-5PROVE SUAVENESS E-6PROVE LEADERSHIP AWARENESS E-7POLITICAN POTENTIAL AND HARDASS ANALYSIS E-8SETS AGENDA E-9POLITICAL MUPPET OR DIE  UNTRAINED OFFICERS: ADM Socially Awkward Penguin

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Use cough to cover fart in class Cough way too early

Use cough to cover fart in class Cough way too early

hates being the center of attention number 1 desire in life

hates being the center of attention number 1 desire in life

the awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid

the awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid

doorbell rings hide

doorbell rings hide

"HERE, HOLD THE BABY" NO WAY, THAT IS TOO MUCH GOD DAMN PRESSURE

needs 30 minutes for a 2 sentence text message

needs 30 minutes for a 2 sentence text message

Introduce GIrl you like to friends, be nervous she won't like them oh no, she likes them too much

Introduce GIrl you like to friends, be nervous she won't like them oh no, she likes them too much

falls off the treadmill starts doing crunches

falls off the treadmill starts doing crunches

Needs to record new voicemail greeting Writes script and rehearses an hour beforehand

Needs to record new voicemail greeting Writes script and rehearses an hour beforehand

Press wrong button on crowded elevator get off on wrong floor

Press wrong button on crowded elevator get off on wrong floor
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