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got shitfaced didn't text my ex
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Bought Halloween mask for $20 on Friday Sold it to a drunk guy for $40 on Saturday
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Noticed toilet roll was finished before I sat down
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found out that my wife talks to her girlfriends about me behind my back about how good i am in bed
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Sick but decide to go to work anyways Overstaffed and sent home with pay
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Read 'How to give best blowjob ever' with gf Got a blowjob right after
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Dentist said i've done a good job flossing. I've never flossed once
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Helped hot girl by pretending to be her boyfriend Became her husband
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