You know... I starred in "Race to Witch Mountain". "Race to Witch Mountain"? More like "Race from any legitimacy as an actor Mountain".

You know... I starred in

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Where To? Planet Fitness

Where To? Planet Fitness

That time machine really did a number on me. Know where I can get some bud? Walmart.

That time machine really did a number on me. Know where I can get some bud? Walmart.

This city's pretty dangerous. Know what to say if an old man invites you to dinner? My fee is $400 per hour, one service, always wear protection, and no kissing.

This city's pretty dangerous. Know what to say if an old man invites
 you to dinner? My fee is $400 per hour, one service, always wear protection, and no kissing.

Yeah the last time I was in a car accident was when I inexplicably took my eyes off the... I'm a transsexual

Yeah the last time I was in a car accident was when I inexplicably took my eyes off the... I'm a transsexual

Soooo you probably dont even remember my name... Vin Diesel?

Soooo you probably dont even remember my name... Vin Diesel?

So I built this bad ass tower in Minecraft... Whats Minecraft?

So I built this bad ass tower in Minecraft... Whats Minecraft?

out of all the friends, joey was my favorite i really hated that face he would make all the time

out of all the friends, joey was my favorite i really hated that face he would make all the time

Did that kid just throw a rock at my car? Get the crossbow.

Did that kid just throw a rock at my car? Get the crossbow.

This is going to be a long drive. Pack a bowl and pass it up here. We smoked the last of what we had on the way to IHOP this morning.

This is going to be a long drive. Pack a bowl and pass it up here. We smoked the last of what we had on the way to IHOP this morning.

I slept well last night. Would you say you slept... like a Rock?

I slept well last night. Would you say you slept... like a Rock?
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