"The captain has turned on the fasten your seat belts sign" We're going down

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Crossing a one-way street Looks both ways

Crossing a one-way street Looks both ways

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

farts in public when it's cold out checks ass to see if steam came out

Read about diseases with one in a million prevalence Convinced I have at least six of them

Read about diseases with one in a million prevalence  Convinced I have at least six of them

Slight chest discomfort Better write my will

Slight chest discomfort Better write my will

3+5? Better use calculator

3+5? Better use calculator

Game Auto-Saves Better save it manually just to be sure

Game Auto-Saves Better save it manually just to be sure

in a room full of people and I need to clear my throat better hold it, or they'll think I have something to say

in a room full of people and I need to clear my throat better hold it, or they'll think I have something to say

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds

Thinks something insulting about a stranger Immediately thinks nice things in case they can read minds

Thinks something insulting about a stranger Immediately thinks nice things in case they can read minds
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