9587 shares
When our home was broken into I went to my daughters room and threw away all of her Justin Bieber things. I told her the burglars took them.
434,532 shares
Sometimes I have sex with my boyfriend knowing he'll pass out after and I can watch whatever I want on tv
159,069 shares
Friend always said I would end up like the guy in 40 year old virgin His mom took my virginity before he even lost his
301,343 shares
I was in charge of making T-shirts for a school club I purposely made all of the girl's shirts 1 size smaller so they'd fit nice and tight.
109,722 shares
I want to keep america fat because it increases my value as someone who is in shape
74,514 shares
Sometimes I wish we could get rid of most safety warnings So darwin's law would take place and idiots would be gone
143,193 shares
I like holding doors open for fat people when they are far away It makes me laugh to see them awkwardly jog to catch up
114,159 shares
YOU CAN BE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN THE WORLD BUT IF YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
163,610 shares
My wife and I own and run our own business I would fire her in a heartbeat if I could
366,358 shares
my wife constantly abuses the thermostat so I turned that one into a dummy thermostat and installed a new one she doesn't know about
600,517 shares
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