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I have never once told anyone that someone said hi

I have never once told anyone that someone said hi Confession Bear
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104,458 shares

how many fat chicks do you need to go out with before you can say you've dated tons of women?

how many fat chicks do you need to go out with before you can say you've dated tons of women? Philosoraptor
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100,660 shares

One Does Not Simply Get in the shower and then turn the water on

One Does Not Simply Get in the shower and then turn the water on Boromir
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69,050 shares

Makes gift nearly impossible to open not even a good gift

Makes gift nearly impossible to open not even a good gift Scumbag Steve
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400,392 shares

Caffeine is only in soda To replace cocaine

Caffeine is only in soda To replace cocaine Sudden Clarity Clarence
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125,903 shares

woke up in the middle of an awesome dream the dream continued when i went back to sleep

woke up in the middle of an awesome dream the dream continued when i went back to sleep Success Kid
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143,808 shares

They told me I had type-A blood But it was a type-O

They told me I had type-A blood But it was a type-O Lame Pun Coon
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111,968 shares

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off

Hits snooze on on the alarm clock Spends the next 9 minutes wide awake worrying it accidently turned off Paranoid Parrot
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192,222 shares

I've been walking for two minutes And one of my socks has started to slowly come off

I've been walking for two minutes And one of my socks has started to slowly come off First World Problems
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506,985 shares

Not sure if dog is going deaf Or has just realized I'm not worth listening to

Not sure if dog is going deaf Or has just realized I'm not worth listening to Futurama Fry
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370,683 shares