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I don't always bring you a present but when I do, its 3am and the mother fucker is still alive and fighting.

I don't always bring you a present but when I do, its 3am and the mother fucker is still alive and fighting. The Most Interesting Cat in the World
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112,444 shares

" I don't watch TV. I don't even have a TV." Has Netflix, Hulu Plus and Amazon Prime; has seen every episode of "Gossip Girl."
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176,118 shares

If a girl asks you to get something out of her purse Bring the whole purse, that bitch is a labyrinth inside

If a girl asks you to get something out of her purse Bring the whole purse, that bitch is a labyrinth inside Actual Advice Mallard
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498,897 shares

I don't want to go out with the guy that likes me But I don't want him to go out with anyone else either.

I don't want to go out with the guy that likes me But I don't want him to go out with anyone else either. Confession Bear
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353,001 shares

Why the fuck when I miss your call and call immediately back do you not pick up

Why the fuck when I miss your call and call immediately back do you not pick up Annoyed Picard HD
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203,711 shares

hot girl flirts, gives phone #, kisses me on cheek, and grabs my ass before leaving Checks wallet to make sure she's not a professional thief

hot girl flirts, gives phone #, kisses me on cheek, and grabs my ass before leaving Checks wallet to make sure she's not a professional thief Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin
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354,405 shares

I don't always say what but when i do, i realize what you said as soon as you start repeating yourself

I don't always say what but when i do, i realize what you said as soon as you start repeating yourself The Most Interesting Man In The World
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450,934 shares

I don't always get a sore throat but when I do, i swallow every five seconds to see if it still hurts

I don't always get a sore throat but when I do, i swallow every five seconds to see if it still hurts The Most Interesting Man In The World
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202,336 shares

As a kid I thought "euthanize" was spelled "youth-anize" I then suggested to my parents that we "youth-anize" grandma since she's getting old.

As a kid I thought
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255,170 shares

WHEN I GET WITH A NEW GUY I TELL HIM I'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM SO HE TRIES HARDER AND THE SEX IS ALWAYS BETTER

WHEN I GET WITH A NEW GUY I TELL HIM I'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM SO HE TRIES HARDER AND THE SEX IS ALWAYS BETTER Confession Bear
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268,130 shares