Actual Advice Mallard

The best advice I can ever give that I wish I followed.

NEVER START SMOKING  Actual Advice Mallard

Hint hint wink wink, ladies.

IF YOU LIKE A GUY, ASK HIM OUT  THE MAN DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE  Actual Advice Mallard

Night Vision

IF YOU GET UP AT NIGHT, CLOSE ONE EYE BEFORE TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AFTER YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF, YOU STILL HAVE NIGHT VISION IN ONE EYE AND WON'T BUMP INTO THINGS HEADING BACK TO BED  Actual Advice Mallard

Just take my word on this one

IF YOUR RELIGIOUS BEHAVIORS HURT OTHERS  YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG   Actual Advice Mallard

Take it from me...

IF YOU'RE HITTING ON SOMEONE AND THEY AREN'T ASKING ANY QUESTIONS BACK  GET OUTTA THERE Actual Advice Mallard

Advice for the socially oblivious party goer

IF YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT WHO DOESN'T LIVE THERE  YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE Actual Advice Mallard

My mom's advice has saved me from a lot of bad decisions.

HANG A PICTURE OF THE TATTOO YOU WANT  SOMEWHERE YOU WILL SEE IT EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR  Actual Advice Mallard

This s**t seriously pisses me off...

BEING DRUNK  IS NOT A JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS  Actual Advice Mallard

Coffee tip... this one really works

TAKE A SIP OF YOUR COFFEE BEFORE ADDING SUGAR  YOU WON'T NEED AS MUCH SUGAR FOR IT TO TASTE SWEET AFTERWARDS.   Actual Advice Mallard

Unprotected sex....

REMEMBER KIDS, UNPROTECTED SEX IS LIKE BASKETBALL YOU ALWAYS DRIBBLE BEFORE YOU SHOOT   Actual Advice Mallard