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I don't always accidentally step on the cat but when I do, I spend the next five minutes giving him an elaborate and thoughtful apology

I don't always accidentally step on the cat but when I do, I spend the next five minutes giving him an elaborate and thoughtful apology The Most Interesting Man In The World
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320,747 shares

You hold your farts in when we're together? What other secrets have you bottled up inside of yourself thinking I wouldn't want to hear them?

You hold your farts in when we're together? What other secrets have you bottled up inside of yourself thinking I wouldn't want to hear them? Overly Attached Girlfriend
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114,417 shares

what if i told you my working from home does not give you the right to treat me as if I've taken the day off?

what if i told you my working from home does not give you the right to treat me as if I've taken the day off? Matrix Morpheus
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254,534 shares

WHEN I WAS A KID. I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.

WHEN I WAS A KID. I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is. Confession kid
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96,004 shares

When you get a bladder infection Urine trouble

When you get a bladder infection Urine trouble Bad Joke Eel
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209,753 shares

Serving a little person at work, they don't quite have enough money "It's ok if you're a little short"

Serving a little person at work, they don't quite have enough money
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277,779 shares

already knows the joke you are telling him pretends he does not, Listens and laughs to make you happy

already knows the joke you are telling him pretends he does not, Listens and laughs to make you happy Misc
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193,756 shares

remember when # was a sign for 'number' and didn't mean hashtag? Pepperidge farm remembers

remember when # was a sign for 'number' and didn't mean hashtag? Pepperidge farm remembers Pepperidge Farm Remembers
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152,466 shares

Criticizes Abercrombie's CEO because of how he looks While saying how much of a douche he is for judging other people on their looks

Criticizes Abercrombie's CEO because of how he looks While saying how much of a douche he is for judging other people on their looks Scumbag Redditor
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34,908 shares

I may not go down in history but I'll go down on you

I may not go down in history but I'll go down on you Pickup-Line Panda
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52,494 shares