Racing son to the end of the grocery aisle "Daddy, don't beat me!"
look at that fat mess that just rolled in the bar "that's my girlfriend"
goes out with friends runs into wife with another man
your girlfriend doesn't know you very well "that's my wife"
Say "hi" to a friend in Facebook Chat Offline
Come up with an awesome meme idea, post to /r/adviceanimals Turns out "idea" is another meme from many months ago
go to nude beach have major wood entire time
try to squeeze off fart just makes it louder when it comes out
Tell horrific paedophile joke to friend on phone On speaker phone with wife and kids in car
Whos that weird old lady who keeps looking over here? Friends mom
Laugh more daily