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Hot girl: I heard you've got a big penis. Me: oh that's just a rumor

Hot girl: I heard you've got a big penis. Me: oh that's just a rumor Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin
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433,616 shares

new iphone has panoramic photos can finally send dick pics to the ladies

new iphone has panoramic photos can finally send dick pics to the ladies Success Kid
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394,550 shares

Alarm set for 8 am didn't go off Fire alarm goes off at 8:05 Am

Alarm set for 8 am didn't go off Fire alarm goes off at 8:05 Am Success Kid
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52,919 shares

Went back to bed for ten minutes after alarm went off Finished awesome dream

Went back to bed for ten minutes after alarm went off Finished awesome dream Success Kid
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149,692 shares

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp she's probably thick and tired of it

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp she's probably thick and tired of it Lame Pun Coon
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211,781 shares

having 9 lives would be great if they weren't mundane and devoid of meaning

having 9 lives would be great if they weren't mundane and devoid of meaning Grumpy Cat
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403,585 shares

If you drop your watch in the toilet you're gonna have a shitty time

If you drop your watch in the toilet you're gonna have a shitty time Super Cool Ski Instructor
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136,859 shares

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch Confession Bear
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184,634 shares

did you ladies know? i'm a "bottom feeder"

did you ladies know? i'm a
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507,565 shares

Just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend said she wasn't looking forward to see me

Just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend said she wasn't looking forward to see me Lame Pun Coon
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230,453 shares