Lying ass

DONNA PAINTER IS A BIG ASS LYING CUNT Paranoid Parrot

Good Squeak

WHEN YOUR REED SQUEAKS DURING A PERFORMANCE STAY CALM AND ACT LIKE IT WASN'T YOURS Actual Advice Mallard

Candle Love

I'M LIKE A CANDLE.  FORGET ABOUT  ME AND I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN. Overly Attached Girlfriend

Immediate Instrumentalist

I DON'T ALWAYS LEARN NEW INSTRUMENTS BUT WHEN I DO I PLAY THEM BETTER THAN FIRST CHAIR The Most Interesting Man In The World

Candle Love

MY LOVE IS LIKE A CANDLE.  FORGET ABOUT ME, AND I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN Overly Attached Girlfriend

Regarding abortion...

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT REPUBLICANS WILL NEVER PUSH FOR SUBSTANTIAL CHANGES TO ABORTION LAW.... BECAUSE IF THE DANGLING CARROT IS GONE, THERE WILL BE NO NEED FOR MANY PEOPLE TO VOTE REPUBLICAN. Matrix Morpheus

holy shit

HOLY SHIT I WISH MY KIDS WOULD GO TO SLEEP Insanity puppy

holy shit

HOLY SHIT I WISH MY KIDS WOULD GO TO SLEEP First World Problems

it sucks

IT SUCKS THAT MY MOM DRESSES ME LIKE THIS Bad Luck Brian

car fire

PARENTS GIVE HIM A CAR CATCHES ON FIRE Bad Luck Brian