Racing son to the end of the grocery aisle "Daddy, don't beat me!"
Get hit on by gay guy over the summer First day of class, find out he's one of your teachers
look at that fat mess that just rolled in the bar "that's my girlfriend"
goes out with friends runs into wife with another man
use friends computer Porn everywhere
your girlfriend doesn't know you very well "that's my wife"
Say "hi" to a friend in Facebook Chat Offline
Come up with an awesome meme idea, post to /r/adviceanimals Turns out "idea" is another meme from many months ago
go to nude beach have major wood entire time
try to squeeze off fart just makes it louder when it comes out
Laugh more daily