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Night Vision

IF YOU GET UP AT NIGHT, CLOSE ONE EYE BEFORE TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AFTER YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF, YOU STILL HAVE NIGHT VISION IN ONE EYE AND WON'T BUMP INTO THINGS HEADING BACK TO BED Actual Advice Mallard
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14,481 shares

Got beaten up by a woman today...

I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR WHEN A BUSTY LADY GOT IN. I WAS STARING AT HER BOOBS, WHEN SHE SAID, WOULD YOU PLEASE PRESS 1? SO I DID. I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH AFTERWARDS.... Confession Bear
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16,892 shares

I teach 1st graders...

IF YOU DIDN'T WANT HIM TO CALL YOU A POOP-FACE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED HIM A TOILET-HEAD Captain Hindsight
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13,225 shares

Capitalism is evil

CAPITALISM IS EVIL *UPLOADED FROM IPHONE USING MCDONALDS WIFI* College Liberal
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16,091 shares

Heard a Personal coach saying this to his client at the gym.

SWEAT ARE THE TEARS OF YOUR FAT BEING BURNED ALIVE overly manly man
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15,981 shares

I believe i deserve a medal for this.

DID ALL MY LAUNDRY AND PUT IT AWAY ON THE SAME DAY Success Kid
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19,586 shares

And I always make sure I say she's hot...

MY WIFE IS A PROFESSOR. I MAKE FAKE REVIEWS ON RATEMYPROF.COM TO BOOST HER SELF ESTEEM. Confession Bear
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13,989 shares

Scumbag Electric Company

ENCOURAGES YOU TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING TO ENERGY EFFICIENT DEVICES RAISES THE COST OF ELECTRICITY BECAUSE THEY AREN'T MAKING AS MUCH MONEY Scumbag Steve
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15,255 shares

He was my brother's best friend.

MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY A FEW MONTHS AGO AT THE AGE OF 18 HE CALLS MY MOM EVERY SINGLE WEEK TO TALK TO HER AND SEE HOW SHE'S DOING. Good Guy Greg
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14,673 shares

My Great Uncle, At a Wedding

YOU WANTED A MIXED DRINK? HERES SOME SCOTCH, I MIXED IT WITH ICE overly manly man
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14,623 shares