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Hot girl: I heard you've got a big penis. Me: oh that's just a rumor

Hot girl: I heard you've got a big penis. Me: oh that's just a rumor Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin
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433,189 shares

new iphone has panoramic photos can finally send dick pics to the ladies

new iphone has panoramic photos can finally send dick pics to the ladies Success Kid
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394,132 shares

Alarm set for 8 am didn't go off Fire alarm goes off at 8:05 Am

Alarm set for 8 am didn't go off Fire alarm goes off at 8:05 Am Success Kid
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52,543 shares

Went back to bed for ten minutes after alarm went off Finished awesome dream

Went back to bed for ten minutes after alarm went off Finished awesome dream Success Kid
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149,408 shares

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp she's probably thick and tired of it

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp she's probably thick and tired of it Lame Pun Coon
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211,177 shares

having 9 lives would be great if they weren't mundane and devoid of meaning

having 9 lives would be great if they weren't mundane and devoid of meaning Grumpy Cat
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403,280 shares

If you drop your watch in the toilet you're gonna have a shitty time

If you drop your watch in the toilet you're gonna have a shitty time Super Cool Ski Instructor
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136,623 shares

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch

If a girl is really hot I automatically assume she's a bitch Confession Bear
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184,349 shares

did you ladies know? i'm a "bottom feeder"

did you ladies know? i'm a
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507,502 shares

Just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend said she wasn't looking forward to see me

Just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend said she wasn't looking forward to see me Lame Pun Coon
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229,756 shares