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ON COUCH: WON'T LET YOU STAY AWAKE TO WATCH FAVORITE SHOW IN BED: "HEY, REMEMBER THAT THING THAT'S BEEN BUGGING ALL WEEK?"

ON COUCH: WON'T LET YOU STAY AWAKE TO WATCH FAVORITE SHOW IN BED:
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79,443 shares

CLEAR, CONCISE, THOUGHT EXITS MOUTH AS COMPLETE GIBBERISH

CLEAR, CONCISE, THOUGHT EXITS MOUTH AS COMPLETE GIBBERISH Scumbag Brain
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122,101 shares

Holds door open for hot girl She uses the door next to you

Holds door open for hot girl She uses the door next to you Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin
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55,900 shares

Hosts the "Daily" show 4 days a week

Hosts the
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169,731 shares

Splits something with you. takes the smaller half

Splits something with you. takes the smaller half Good Guy Greg
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84,316 shares

Let's take all the Santorum supporters and put them in Theocratic Uganda

Let's take all the Santorum supporters and put them in Theocratic Uganda Push it somewhere else Patrick
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125,072 shares

Can explain every rule for every drinking game imaginable Still hasn't memorized student id number

Can explain every rule for every drinking game imaginable Still hasn't memorized student id number Lazy College Senior
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274,556 shares

Who is Kony's favourite rapper? Soulja boy!

Who is Kony's favourite rapper? Soulja boy! Bad Joke Eel
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114,608 shares

Have to wear a tie perfect length on first try

Have to wear a tie perfect length on first try Success Kid
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901,644 shares

goes to uganda to help the cause dies

goes to uganda to help the cause dies College Freshman
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233,559 shares