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the number of things my parents were right about is too damn high

the number of things my parents were right about is too damn high The Rent Is Too Damn High
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312,434 shares

Not sure if unphotogenic Or just fucking ugly

Not sure if unphotogenic Or just fucking ugly Futurama Fry
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159,913 shares

I don't buy things with money I buy them with hours of my life

I don't buy things with money I buy them with hours of my life Sudden Clarity Clarence
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639,267 shares

too many male Ceo's amount of male truck drivers, coal miners, and garbage collectors is just fine

too many male Ceo's amount of male truck drivers, coal miners, and garbage collectors is just fine College Liberal
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436,477 shares

if you think the government is spying on you for your own good we're all gonna have a bad time

if you think the government is spying on you for your own good we're all gonna have a bad time Super Cool Ski Instructor
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318,573 shares

Cease all acts that thou art engaged in The time of the hammer is upon us

Cease all acts that thou art engaged in The time of the hammer is upon us Joseph Ducreux
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332,598 shares

I bought him his favorite cereal he told me he only eats commander crunch

I bought him his favorite cereal he told me he only eats commander crunch Redditors Wife
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231,733 shares

Not sure if able to see the beauty in all women Or desperate

Not sure if able to see the beauty in all women Or desperate Futurama Fry
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281,310 shares

Has to throw up Goes to the hardwood floor and not the carpet

Has to throw up Goes to the hardwood floor and not the carpet Good Dog Greg
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298,030 shares

If you're an attractive, single woman and you have a good friend that's a single, heterosexual male, there's a really good chance he wants to bang you.

If you're an attractive, single woman and you have a good friend that's a single, heterosexual male, there's a really good chance he wants to bang you. Actual Advice Mallard
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216,819 shares