Actual Advice Mallard

If you have recently started bleeding from your rectum get off redit and go see a doctor

If you have recently started bleeding from your rectum get off redit and go see a doctor  Actual Advice Mallard

Has a corkscrew penis Gets accused of rampant duck rape

Has a corkscrew penis Gets accused of rampant duck rape  Actual Advice Mallard

Feeling down? Do some basic cleaning. While it might not be the most productive thing you could be doing, the sense of accomplishment will lift your spirits.

Feeling down? Do some basic cleaning. While it might not be the most productive thing you could be doing, the sense of accomplishment will lift your spirits.  Actual Advice Mallard

If you're an 18 to 21 year-old guy and you're getting frustrated because of lack of success with girls Relax and be patient because girls have the advantage at this age because they can date older guys. Things even out around age 24

If you're an 18 to 21 year-old guy and you're getting frustrated because of lack of success with girls Relax and be patient because girls have the advantage at this age because they can date older guys. Things even out around age 24  Actual Advice Mallard

If you want your goddamm internet points so much Don't say that it's your cakeday. We can clearly see the cake next to your name.

If you want your goddamm internet points so much Don't say that it's your cakeday. We can clearly see the cake next to your name.  Actual Advice Mallard

If you openly talk about stealing while shopping and happen to be standing next to an employee don't act like a jerk when said employee starts following you

If you openly talk about stealing while shopping and happen to be standing next to an employee don't act like a jerk when said employee starts following you  Actual Advice Mallard

obvious bullshit that everyone fucking knows

obvious bullshit that everyone fucking knows  Actual Advice Mallard

do you hate it when water splashes you when you're pooping? lay down some toilet paper in the the bowl before you do the doo

do you hate it when water splashes you when you're pooping? lay down some toilet paper in the the bowl before you do the doo  Actual Advice Mallard

When your gilrfriend has a bad makeup DON'T TELL HER

When your gilrfriend has a bad makeup DON'T TELL HER  Actual Advice Mallard

Always keep your head on a swivel Or you will end up laying on the ground, gasping for air

Always keep your head on a swivel Or you will end up laying on the ground, gasping for air  Actual Advice Mallard
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