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Actual Advice Mallard

If you see someone walking around in a bad neighborhood listening to the police scanner on their phone You should probably mug them and steal their phone

If you see someone walking around in a bad neighborhood listening to the police scanner on their phone You should probably mug them and steal their phone Actual Advice Mallard
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If someone is annoying you Just ignore them completely. They will go away

If someone is annoying you Just ignore them completely. They will go away Actual Advice Mallard
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Don't elaborate on diarrhea stories It makes people uncorfortable

Don't elaborate on diarrhea stories It makes people uncorfortable Actual Advice Mallard
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"It's not you, it's me" It's 100% YOU
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If you run out of lives in candy crush saga Switch the date and time settings on your device from automatic to manual then set the clock ahead a couple hours

If you run out of lives in candy crush saga Switch the date and time settings on your device from automatic to manual then set the clock ahead a couple hours Actual Advice Mallard
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Can't seem to get through to a real live person on an automated phone system? Dial 0 five times, or if the system is voice activated say the word "operator"

Can't seem to get through to a real live person on an automated phone system? Dial 0 five times, or if the system is voice activated say the word
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Never upset or insult anyone you never know who will end up being your boss

Never upset or insult anyone you never know who will end up being your boss Actual Advice Mallard
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When using an escalator, stand on the right others behind you may want to walk up the left

When using an escalator, stand on the right others behind you may want to walk up the left Actual Advice Mallard
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it doesn't matter how pretty she is never stick your dick in crazy

it doesn't matter how pretty she is never stick your dick in crazy Actual Advice Mallard
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DON'T hail a cab with your RIGHT ARM PERPENDICULAR TO YOUR SHOULDER SOME PEOPLE MAY TAKE OFFENCE

DON'T hail a cab with your RIGHT ARM PERPENDICULAR TO YOUR SHOULDER SOME PEOPLE MAY TAKE OFFENCE Actual Advice Mallard
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