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Actual Advice Mallard

be nice to receptionists and secretaries otherwise you're an asshole

be nice to receptionists and secretaries otherwise you're an asshole Actual Advice Mallard
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if you go outside to fart give it a few minutes to clear before you return

if you go outside to fart give it a few minutes to clear before you return Actual Advice Mallard
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Long line at the bathroom? Hold your mouth and pretend you need to throw up, No one wants to see you puke

Long line at the bathroom? Hold your mouth and pretend you need to throw up, No one wants to see you puke Actual Advice Mallard
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If you're over the age of 65 never ever trust a fart

If you're over the age of 65 never ever trust a fart Actual Advice Mallard
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IF YOU SEE A FUNDIE SHOW HIM COSMOS AND HELL COVERT O THE SO

IF YOU SEE A FUNDIE SHOW HIM COSMOS AND HELL COVERT O THE SO Actual Advice Mallard
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if you see something sticky on your teenaged son's or teenaged brother's clothes don't touch it, it's probably sperm

if you see something sticky on your teenaged son's or teenaged brother's clothes don't touch it, it's probably sperm Actual Advice Mallard
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If you are already really drunk Don't drink more

If you are already really drunk Don't drink more Actual Advice Mallard
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Don't jerk off with Johnson and Johnson's Baby Shampoo in the shower Don't fucking do it!

Don't jerk off with Johnson and Johnson's Baby Shampoo in the shower Don't fucking do it! Actual Advice Mallard
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Have hard cookies and want soft ones Put them in the microwave for a couple of seconds to soften then

Have hard cookies and want soft ones Put them in the microwave for a couple of seconds to soften then Actual Advice Mallard
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USE CONDOMS

USE CONDOMS Actual Advice Mallard
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