Actual Advice Mallard

Do not feed me bread It drastically shortens my lifespan

Do not feed me bread It drastically shortens my lifespan  Actual Advice Mallard

If you don't enjoy blue-balls cum before going out on a date

If you don't enjoy blue-balls cum before going out on a date  Actual Advice Mallard

Set a reminder on your phone to start flossing one week before your upcoming dentist appointment So that a bloody gore fest doesn't erupt the second they start working on you.

Set a reminder on your phone to start flossing one week before your upcoming dentist appointment So that a bloody gore fest doesn't erupt the second they start working on you.  Actual Advice Mallard

If you only have selfies on your OkCupid profile i assume you have no friends

If you only have selfies on your OkCupid profile i assume you have no friends  Actual Advice Mallard

If someone on television actively smears Edward Snowden's character, and not his actions they are part of the system

If someone on television actively smears Edward Snowden's character, and not his actions they are part of the system  Actual Advice Mallard

Girlfriends, Don't ask your boyfriends questions about his past then get mad when he gives you an answer you don't like!

Girlfriends,  Don't ask your boyfriends questions about his past  then get mad when he gives you an answer you don't like!  Actual Advice Mallard

All I'm saying is The world may be more complicated than this limited format can account for.

All I'm saying is The world may be more complicated than this limited format can account for.  Actual Advice Mallard

want to cover the sound of you pooping in a public restroom? turn on the hand dryer before going into your stall

want to cover the sound of you pooping in a public restroom? turn on the hand dryer before going into your stall  Actual Advice Mallard

Snot is salty Cerebral Spinal fluid is sweet

Snot is salty Cerebral Spinal fluid is sweet  Actual Advice Mallard

Don't Run For Any Student Council You Have A Lot Less Power Than YOu Think

Don't Run For Any Student Council  You Have A Lot Less Power Than YOu Think  Actual Advice Mallard
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