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Actual Advice Mallard

Do not feed me bread It drastically shortens my lifespan

Do not feed me bread It drastically shortens my lifespan Actual Advice Mallard
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If you don't enjoy blue-balls cum before going out on a date

If you don't enjoy blue-balls cum before going out on a date Actual Advice Mallard
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Set a reminder on your phone to start flossing one week before your upcoming dentist appointment So that a bloody gore fest doesn't erupt the second they start working on you.

Set a reminder on your phone to start flossing one week before your upcoming dentist appointment So that a bloody gore fest doesn't erupt the second they start working on you. Actual Advice Mallard
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If you only have selfies on your OkCupid profile i assume you have no friends

If you only have selfies on your OkCupid profile i assume you have no friends Actual Advice Mallard
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If someone on television actively smears Edward Snowden's character, and not his actions they are part of the system

If someone on television actively smears Edward Snowden's character, and not his actions they are part of the system Actual Advice Mallard
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Girlfriends, Don't ask your boyfriends questions about his past then get mad when he gives you an answer you don't like!

Girlfriends, Don't ask your boyfriends questions about his past then get mad when he gives you an answer you don't like! Actual Advice Mallard
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All I'm saying is The world may be more complicated than this limited format can account for.

All I'm saying is The world may be more complicated than this limited format can account for. Actual Advice Mallard
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want to cover the sound of you pooping in a public restroom? turn on the hand dryer before going into your stall

want to cover the sound of you pooping in a public restroom? turn on the hand dryer before going into your stall Actual Advice Mallard
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Snot is salty Cerebral Spinal fluid is sweet

Snot is salty Cerebral Spinal fluid is sweet Actual Advice Mallard
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Don't Run For Any Student Council You Have A Lot Less Power Than YOu Think

Don't Run For Any Student Council You Have A Lot Less Power Than YOu Think Actual Advice Mallard
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