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Actual Advice Mallard

If you're going to give advice on depression and want to be taken seriously Don't use the words "dick" and "balls"

If you're going to give advice on depression and want to be taken seriously Don't use the words
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If you are going into a restaurant a few minutes before closing Get your order to go, the staff will treat you nicer and they will make your food faster

If you are going into a restaurant a few minutes before closing Get your order to go, the staff will treat you nicer and they will make your food faster Actual Advice Mallard
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Instead of scrolling down the page to get to the next response Click the collapse button beside the username

Instead of scrolling down the page to get to the next response Click the collapse button beside the username Actual Advice Mallard
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Currently studying? alt + f4

Currently studying? alt + f4 Actual Advice Mallard
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murder someone with a large sharp icicle, then bring it somewhere warm The murder weapon will melt

murder someone with a large sharp icicle, then bring it somewhere warm The murder weapon will melt Actual Advice Mallard
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New and old cars cost the same. You can either pay a little each month, or all at once when you least expect it.

New and old cars cost the same. You can either pay a little each month, or all at once when you least expect it. Actual Advice Mallard
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Wash your face every morning It makes you prettier all day

Wash your face every morning It makes you prettier all day Actual Advice Mallard
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If your mallard's advice is more than 20 words It belongs in /r/LifeProTips

If your mallard's advice is more than 20 words It belongs in /r/LifeProTips Actual Advice Mallard
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If your neighbors barking dog is bothering you Offer to take it for a walk. Everyone wins.

If your neighbors barking dog is bothering you Offer to take it for a walk. Everyone wins. Actual Advice Mallard
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Stop saying a tornado sounds like a freight train It sounds more like a passenger train

Stop saying a tornado sounds like a freight train It sounds more like a passenger train Actual Advice Mallard
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