Malicious Advice Mallard

Saving money for something important? Save half the amount and bet it on a hand of blackjack

Saving money for something important? Save half the amount and bet it on a hand of blackjack  Malicious Advice Mallard

partner's genitals taste bad? use a jolly rancher to mask it

partner's genitals taste bad? use a jolly rancher to mask it  Malicious Advice Mallard

mosquito repellant? eat bananas

mosquito repellant? eat bananas  Malicious Advice Mallard

Been drinking? Think you've had too much to drive? Test your sobriety by trying to pee THROUGH the hole in the toilet seat!

Been drinking? Think you've had too much to drive? Test your sobriety by trying to pee THROUGH the hole in the toilet seat!  Malicious Advice Mallard

To New Homeowners: If you can't sleep at 6:45am on Saturday Just mow the lawn. neighbors love tidy lawns.

To New Homeowners: If you can't sleep at 6:45am on Saturday Just mow the lawn. neighbors love tidy lawns.  Malicious Advice Mallard

You're armed while a criminal is breaking into your home? Shout out to them that you are armed. Then when you see them, shoot above the door to scare them away.

You're armed while a criminal is breaking into your home?
 Shout out to them that you are armed.  Then when you see them, shoot above the door to scare them away.  Malicious Advice Mallard

You can do anything you want as long as you don't get caught

You can do anything you want as long as you don't get caught  Malicious Advice Mallard

When going out to a bar or club with loud music Spray chloroform behind your ears before you go out, this is where women get the closest when talking to you.

When going out to a bar or club with loud music
 Spray chloroform behind your ears before you go out, this is where women get the closest when talking to you.  Malicious Advice Mallard

If you need to remember to take something with you when you leave the house Place your car keys, the #1 thing people lose, on top of the item

If you need to remember to take something with you when you leave the house  Place  your car keys, the #1 thing people lose, on top of the item  Malicious Advice Mallard

Angry at your children? Tell them you didn't want to get kids.

Angry at your children?
 Tell them you didn't want to get kids.  Malicious Advice Mallard
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