A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street. A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch. The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was *that* all about?"

A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch.
He picks it up and throws it across the street. A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says,

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My new party trick - I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together i shit you knot

My new party trick - I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together i shit you knot

So I asked my North Korean friend how his life was going He said 'Can't Complain.'

So I asked my North Korean friend how his life was going He said 'Can't Complain.'

Rihanna, why are you working with chris brown again? "beats me."

Rihanna, why are you working with chris brown again?

Why did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was Soda Pressing

Why did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was Soda Pressing

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me

I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me

A lesbian couple I know can't afford the double-headed dildo they want They're really struggling to make ends meet

A lesbian couple I know can't afford the double-headed dildo they want They're really struggling to make ends meet

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring nickelback

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring nickelback

two radio antennae got married. the wedding was okay but the reception was great

two radio antennae got married.
the wedding was okay but the reception was great

What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine

What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine
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