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The only reason why I still call her my "girlfriend", in front of her... is because of the guaranteed sex and her not leaving me because I'm more attractive than her. We have nothing in common and I'm not the kind who gets attached. She thinks I'll chan

The only reason why I still call her my
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303 shares

I fart in my boss’s office every morning before she arrives, and now she has facilities checking the walls for dead animals

I fart in my boss’s office every morning before she arrives, and now she has facilities checking the walls for dead animals
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759,913 shares

I tell everyone my dad is dead Because he's really a Pedophile serving 10+ years in prison.

I tell everyone my dad is dead Because he's really a Pedophile serving 10+ years in prison.
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720,414 shares

I miss my mommy

I miss my mommy
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675,318 shares

I'm kind of glad Reddit screwed up trying to solve the Boston Bombing Because a lot of Redditors get off on pretending to be smart and need to be taken down a peg.

I'm kind of glad Reddit screwed up trying to solve the Boston Bombing Because a lot of Redditors get off on pretending to be smart and need to be taken down a peg.
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646,350 shares

A middle aged female customer was being extremely rude to me at the checkout, So I gave her the "senior discount" and watched her die a little on the inside.

A middle aged female customer was being extremely rude to me at the checkout, So I gave her the
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637,671 shares

People think I drink smoothies to be healthy I drink them because I put rum in them and enjoy day drinking without judgement

People think I drink smoothies to be healthy I drink them because I put rum in them and enjoy day drinking without judgement
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625,970 shares

I have a good memory But I pretend I do not remember to avoid being considered as a stalker.

I have a good memory But I pretend I do not remember to avoid being considered as a stalker.
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614,800 shares

When my ex had her new BF threaten me for no reason I called the bank that was looking for her car and had it repossessed while she was at work

When my ex had her new BF threaten me for no reason I called the bank that was looking for her car and had it repossessed while she was at work
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602,416 shares

my wife constantly abuses the thermostat so I turned that one into a dummy thermostat and installed a new one she doesn't know about

my wife constantly abuses the thermostat so I turned that one into a dummy thermostat and installed a new one she doesn't know about
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598,899 shares

I blocked kids from playing League of Legends so my game would stop lagging.

I blocked kids from playing League of Legends so my game would stop lagging.
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583,003 shares

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