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I beat my pregnant wife to the car, so i could open the door for her

I beat my pregnant wife to the car, so i could open the door for her Successful Black Man
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253,973 shares

Lonely and can't fall asleep. Forges a makeshift girl made out of pillows to cuddle with.

Lonely and can't fall asleep. Forges a makeshift girl made out of pillows to cuddle with. Forever Alone
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66,890 shares

Daylight Saving time Clock in my car will finally be correct.

Daylight Saving time Clock in my car will finally be correct. Success Kid
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162,150 shares

There's millions of microorganisms on my body. I am a mothership.

There's millions of microorganisms on my body. I am a mothership. 10 Guy
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148,293 shares

I want to drink my oreo shake but oreos keep getting stuck in the straw

I want to drink my oreo shake but oreos keep getting stuck in the straw First World Problems
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225,488 shares

Don't know who to vote for on tuesday? why not zoidberg?

Don't know who to vote for on tuesday? why not zoidberg? Misc
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68,713 shares

This bag is so full of fries I can't reach my burger

This bag is so full of fries I can't reach my burger First World Problems
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595,201 shares

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds

Effective 99.9% of the time? I don't like those odds Paranoid Parrot
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379,308 shares

Doesn't have money for rent Buys beer

Doesn't have money for rent Buys beer Scumbag Steve
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89,187 shares

First Spin on "Wheel of Fortune" Give me an "X"

First Spin on
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125,683 shares