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Not sure if my house is creaking for its own personal house reasons Or I'm about to be murdered

Not sure if my house is creaking for its own personal house reasons Or I'm about to be murdered Futurama Fry
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167,951 shares

I have to blame most computer problems on "viruses" because telling clients they're morons loses me money

I have to blame most computer problems on
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523,913 shares

Never. Ever. Ever. Get the name of someone you're dating tattooed on your body.

Never. Ever. Ever. Get the name of someone you're dating tattooed on your body. Actual Advice Mallard
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189,881 shares

My dad would swear then say "excuse my french" one day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and i raised my hand

My dad would swear then say
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173,814 shares

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, I FOUND A USED CONDOM AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A SNAKE SKIN I STRETCHED IT OVER MY ARM AND CALLED MY SELF SNAKE MAN

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, I FOUND A USED CONDOM AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A SNAKE SKIN I STRETCHED IT OVER MY ARM AND CALLED MY SELF SNAKE MAN Confession kid
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317,903 shares

when friends ask for advice with girls i give different advice to each of them just to see which approach actually works

when friends ask for advice with girls i give different advice to each of them just to see which approach actually works Confession Bear
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490,185 shares

tip your bartenders They will remember who you are, provide faster service, and make better drinks

tip your bartenders They will remember who you are, provide faster service, and make better drinks Actual Advice Mallard
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223,774 shares

Never hit a woman too hard. she could black out and forget the lesson.

Never hit a woman too hard. she could black out and forget the lesson. Malicious Advice Mallard
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160,456 shares

Dont ignore a homeless person asking for money simply say "not today, sorry". Ignoring them dehumanizes them and makes it harder for them to make their way back into society

Dont ignore a homeless person asking for money simply say
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166,344 shares

Try to take keys away from a drunk at a party He's mormon, sober and walks like that because of Muscular Dystrophy.

Try to take keys away from a drunk at a party He's mormon, sober and walks like that because of Muscular Dystrophy. Socially Awesome Awkward Penguin
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467,219 shares