Actual Advice Mallard

During your pregnancy when your innie belly button becomes an outie do not be tempted to get your husband to sniff the awful crap that comes out of the crevices

During your pregnancy when your innie belly button becomes an outie do not be tempted to get your husband to sniff the awful crap that comes out of the crevices  Actual Advice Mallard

Worried about what people think about the size of your dick? Have a kid. He'll think its huge and will tell everyone about it.

Worried about what people think about the size of your dick? Have a kid. He'll think its huge and will tell everyone about it.   Actual Advice Mallard

Need instant karma? Post to r/gonewild

Need instant karma? Post to r/gonewild  Actual Advice Mallard

Hit Stop twice then hit play it will start the movie from the beginning

Hit Stop twice then hit play it will start the movie from the beginning  Actual Advice Mallard

If you ever accidentally jizz on your shorts Grab a toaster strudel and snap a picture

If you ever accidentally jizz on your shorts Grab a toaster strudel and snap a picture
  Actual Advice Mallard

If you send your children to a school that cares more about faith than education Don't be surprised when they grow to resent both you, and your religion.

If you send your children to a school that cares more about faith than education Don't be surprised when they grow to resent both you, and your religion.  Actual Advice Mallard

One dot is a period. Three dots is an ellipsis... Two dots doesn't mean anything and it makes you look stupid..

One dot is a period.
Three dots is an ellipsis... Two dots doesn't mean anything and it makes you look stupid..  Actual Advice Mallard

If the bible doesn't forbid it it isn't worth the trouble

If the bible doesn't forbid it it isn't worth the trouble  Actual Advice Mallard

Don't speed It's dangerous and you could get a ticket

Don't speed It's dangerous and you could get a ticket  Actual Advice Mallard

Don't fart in an elevator alone Someone can still walk in

Don't fart in an elevator alone Someone can still walk in  Actual Advice Mallard
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