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We've all got imaginary friends, I've just grown out of mine. -JImmy Carr
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"I was raised catholic and my catholic priest told me when I was 12 years of age, he said to me, 'God is watching you when you masturbate.' ...I said 'is he a pedophile too father?'" -JImmy Carr
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What's the difference between football and rape? Women hate football -JImmy Carr
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We've all got imaginary friends, I've just grown out of mine. -JImmy Carr
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“Lets look at the positive side. Hitler and Pol Pot got a lot of medical research done without having to test on any animals.” Jimmy Carr
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Dwarf Shortage -JImmy Carr
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My girlfriend and I had the history conversation the other night. That's right, I told her about everyone from who I lost my virginity to, right up to her. Apparently I should have stopped there though.
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I've always been brought up with manners. Tap her on the head before you come... -Jimmy Carr
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