I don't have a girlfriend, i just know someone who would get really mad if they ever heard me say that.

I don't have a girlfriend, i just know someone who would get really mad if they ever heard me say that. - I don't have a girlfriend, i just know someone who would get really mad if they ever heard me say that.  Mitch Hedberg

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I don't have a girlfriend, i just know someone who would get really mad if they ever heard me say that.

I don't have a girlfriend, i just know someone who would get really mad if they ever heard me say that.

I used to support ron paul I still do, but I used to, too.

I used to support ron paul I still do, but I used to, too.

I find a duck’s opinion on me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I find a duck’s opinion on me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

i'm against picketing but i don't know how to show it

i'm against picketing but i don't know how to show it

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

fuck you! that was funny . . . go inside my head and then come out and tell me i'm wrong.

fuck you! 
that was funny        . . .  go inside my head and then come out and tell me i'm wrong.

is a hippopotamus really a hippopotamus? or just a really cool opotamus?

is a hippopotamus really a hippopotamus? or just a really cool opotamus?

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once

Spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water. I like dizzy chickens!

 Spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water. I like dizzy chickens!

"Escalator temporarily stairs, sorry for the convenience."

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