Actual Advice Mallard

My mom's been doing this for years. Smells better than any candle or air freshener.

IF YOU WANT YOUR HOUSE TO SMELL BETTER. PUT DRYER SHEETS IN YOUR VENTS AND TURN THE AC ON Actual Advice Mallard

Good DUI Advice

IF YOU GET CHARGED WITH DRIVING DRUNK TALK TO A LAWYER. INITIAL CONSULTATIONS ARE FREE Actual Advice Mallard

For jacob as he moves on

REMEMBER HOW IT FELT WORKING RETAIL AND TEACH YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO TEAR UP MY STORE Actual Advice Mallard

:D yeah

WHEN BUYING EMBARRASSING STUFF FOR YOURSELF  BUY A GIFT BAG AND SOMETHING THAT COULD BE USED AS A GIFT, THEN LAUGHT IT OFF AS IF IT WAS A BIRTHDAY PRANK Actual Advice Mallard

After returning her coffee 3 times

IF YOU ARE A COFFEE NAZI DON'T USE THE FUCKING DRIVE-THROUGH Actual Advice Mallard

Advice on embarrassing stuff

WHEN BUYING EMBARRASSING STUFF FOR YOURSELF  GET A BIRTHDAY BAG AND SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A GENERIC GIFT, THE LAUGH IT AS IF IT WAS A BIRTHDAY PRANK Actual Advice Mallard

save some cash this summer

HOT SUMMER MONTHS COMING UP CLEAN THE DUST OUT OF YOUR PC AND EXTEND IT'S LIFESPAN BY YEARS Actual Advice Mallard

FOR LESS STRESS

FOR LESS STRESS TAKE EVERYTHING SAID TO YOU WITH A POSITIVE INTENT Actual Advice Mallard

on Fox

IF YOU WANT YOUR TV SHOW TO LAST MORE THAN ONE SEASON NEVER EVER PITCH IT TO FOX! Actual Advice Mallard

Smart quack

I AIN'T FALLING FOR THAT FAKE DUCK CALL.  Actual Advice Mallard