The Most Interesting Man In The World

I DON'T ALWAYS TAKE OUT THE RECYCLING  BUT WHEN I DO I LOOK LIKE A RAGING ALCOHOLIC The Most Interesting Man In The World

Night Vision

IF YOU GET UP AT NIGHT, CLOSE ONE EYE BEFORE TURNING ON THE LIGHTS AFTER YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF, YOU STILL HAVE NIGHT VISION IN ONE EYE AND WON'T BUMP INTO THINGS HEADING BACK TO BED  Actual Advice Mallard

Got beaten up by a woman today...

I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR WHEN A BUSTY LADY GOT IN. I WAS STARING AT HER BOOBS, WHEN SHE SAID, WOULD YOU PLEASE PRESS 1? SO I DID. I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH AFTERWARDS.... Confession Bear

I teach 1st graders...

IF YOU DIDN'T WANT HIM TO CALL YOU A POOP-FACE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED HIM A TOILET-HEAD  Captain Hindsight

Capitalism is evil

CAPITALISM IS EVIL  *UPLOADED FROM IPHONE USING MCDONALDS WIFI* College Liberal

Heard a Personal coach saying this to his client at the gym.

SWEAT ARE THE TEARS  OF YOUR FAT BEING BURNED ALIVE  overly manly man

I believe i deserve a medal for this.

DID ALL MY LAUNDRY AND PUT IT AWAY ON THE SAME DAY  Success Kid

And I always make sure I say she's hot...

MY WIFE IS A PROFESSOR. I MAKE FAKE REVIEWS ON RATEMYPROF.COM TO BOOST HER SELF ESTEEM. Confession Bear

Scumbag Electric Company

ENCOURAGES YOU TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING TO ENERGY EFFICIENT DEVICES  RAISES THE COST OF ELECTRICITY BECAUSE THEY AREN'T MAKING AS MUCH MONEY Scumbag Steve

He was my brother's best friend.

MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY A FEW MONTHS AGO AT THE AGE OF 18  HE CALLS MY MOM EVERY SINGLE WEEK TO TALK TO HER AND SEE HOW SHE'S DOING.  Good Guy Greg