Actual Advice Mallard

Don't title your cakeday post "For my cakeday..."

Don't title your cakeday post

do whatever the fuck you want because you're an individual

do whatever the fuck you want because you're an individual  Actual Advice Mallard

dont get high right after you thought of the best post ever

dont get high right after you thought of the best post ever  Actual Advice Mallard

'this is what i want' actually means this is what she wants.

'this is what i want' actually means this is what she wants.  Actual Advice Mallard

Never answer a "yes or no question" With "yes" or "no"

Never answer a

don't take advice from strangers through an online picture of a fucking duck

don't take advice from strangers through an online picture of a fucking duck  Actual Advice Mallard

Never trust someone that take hours to text you back but when you're with them, they always have their phone in their hand texting.

Never trust someone that take hours to text you back but when you're with them, they always have their phone in their hand texting.  Actual Advice Mallard

If your girlfriend wants to have anal sex and you don't Just tell her that her asshole is way too big

If your girlfriend wants to have anal sex and you don't Just tell her that her asshole is way too big  Actual Advice Mallard

If you ever need to pass gas and you're in a public setting Make it to a restroom and wash your hands. The sound of a hand dryer is perfect for masking the noise.

If you ever need to pass gas and you're in a public setting Make it to a restroom and wash your hands. The sound of a hand dryer is perfect for masking the noise.  Actual Advice Mallard

If you're running from a murderer in your house do not run up to the second floor and into the bathroom

If you're running from a murderer in your house do not run up to the second floor and into the bathroom  Actual Advice Mallard
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