Actual Advice Mallard

How to cook bacon

DON'T COOK BACON NAKED  Actual Advice Mallard

Play by the rules

PLAY BY THE RULES                WILL YOU?                         Actual Advice Mallard

OMG !! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT SITTING DOWN ALL THE DAY

  Actual Advice Mallard

It actually works!

IF YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE BUT SHE DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU TRY MASTURBATING YOU WILL FORGET YOUR FEELINGS FOR A MOMENT Actual Advice Mallard

hahahahha so funny hahhahaha

DON'T EVER MEET EMIL NILSSON YOU WILL FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF BUT IT AINT WORTH IT Actual Advice Mallard

Too many people are getting caught.

IF YOU'RE ON A SHARED COMPUTER LOOKING FOR CHRISTMAS GIFTS,  USE AN INCOGNITO WINDOW SO YOUR ADS AREN'T RELEVANT TO STUFF YOU BUY. (CTRL+SHIFT+N) Actual Advice Mallard

Trust me, it makes her feel special

WHEN INTRODUCING YOUR NEW GIRL TO YOUR BUDDIES ALWAYS REFER TO HER BY HER NAME, NOT THE PRONOUN SHE/HER Actual Advice Mallard

An Actual Piece of Advice.

STOP WITH THE PERSONAL MEMES! Actual Advice Mallard

No thank you

USE THE ACA IN PLACE OF OBAMACARE IT WILL MAKE YOUR ARGUMENT SOUND MORE VALID Actual Advice Mallard

really do

WHEN SOMEONE HAS HATCHED YOUR EGG AND RETURNED THE SHINY SAY THANKYOU. Actual Advice Mallard