Actual Advice Mallard

Spiders are your bedtime guardians

ALLOW SPIDERS TO MAKE WEBS AROUND YOUR BED IT WILL STOP MOSQUITOES AND OTHER BUGS FROM BOTHERING YOU Actual Advice Mallard

be decent

DON'T GIVE OUT FAKE NUMBERS HAVE THE DECENCY TO JUST SAY YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED Actual Advice Mallard

Get off reddit

GET OFF REDDIT AND SPEND SOME TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS Actual Advice Mallard

This is arguably more important than a toilet plunger AND a fire extinguisher

       BUY A CONDOM              BEFORE YOU NEED ONE   Actual Advice Mallard

buy and need

                   BUY SOME SHIT                                          BEFORE                   YOU NEED SOME SHIT                 Actual Advice Mallard

Assholes do this on every test day...

IF YOU SEE THAT SOMEBODY IS TAKING A LOT LONGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND IS OBVIOUSLY STRUGGLING  DONT TALK ABOUT HOW

Udnyt your time

UDNYT YOUR TIME AT HE  CAUSE YOU'LL MISS IT SOMEDAY Actual Advice Mallard

Fast food restaurants need a sign to suggest this.

IF YOU HAVE ORDERED YOUR FOOD, DON'T STAND AT THE COUNTER AND WAIT FOR IT PEOPLE ARE BEHIND YOU, YOU WILL BE TOLD WHEN IT'S READY Actual Advice Mallard

"I'm so very thankful..."

I'M SO VERY THANKFUL...  THAT I'M NOT A TURKEY... Actual Advice Mallard

the secret ingredient is arsenic

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING WITH THE PERSON WHO PREPARES YOUR MEALS BE NICE OR YOUR NEXT MIGHT BE YOUR LAST Actual Advice Mallard