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Orders $80+ of pizza and doesn't tip "Sorry bro, times are tight"

Orders $80+ of pizza and doesn't tip
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312,201 shares

I don't always say something stupid in a conversation But when I do, I beat myself up about it for the rest of the day

I don't always say something stupid in a conversation But when I do, I beat myself up about it for the rest of the day The Most Interesting Man In The World
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221,350 shares

if my girlfriend would actually tell me where she wants to go out for dinner I would be so happy

if my girlfriend would actually tell me where she wants to go out for dinner I would be so happy Craig - I would be so happy
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275,499 shares

Got a full body massage Didn't pop a boner

Got a full body massage Didn't pop a boner Success Kid
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142,791 shares

is cold-blooded but warms your heart

is cold-blooded but warms your heart Ridiculously Photogenic Gecko
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210,888 shares

What If aliens are trying to contact us on the net but "are you human" filters keep stopping them?

What If aliens are trying to contact us on the net but
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262,711 shares

Why did the Walrus go to a tupperware party? It was looking for a tight seal

Why did the Walrus go to a tupperware party? It was looking for a tight seal Bad Joke Eel
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110,919 shares

crush he has been after for months drunk texts him to come over for booty call. rushes to put on jeans, penis gets stuck in zipper ends up in ER

crush he has been after for months drunk texts him to come over for booty call. rushes to put on jeans, penis gets stuck in zipper ends up in ER Bad Luck Brian
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224,544 shares

You are so comfortable to sleep with When you die I should have you taxidermied so I always have you as a pillow

You are so comfortable to sleep with When you die I should have you taxidermied so I always have you as a pillow Overly Attached Girlfriend
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162,233 shares

If your girlfriend is too heavy for you to pick up Don't tell her

If your girlfriend is too heavy for you to pick up Don't tell her Actual Advice Mallard
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192,563 shares