Actual Advice Mallard

Need to poop? Just start wiping. Your scumbag body will do the rest.

Need to poop? Just start wiping.
Your scumbag body will do the rest.  Actual Advice Mallard

to zoom your browser in and out hit + or - while Holding the CTRL key

to zoom your browser in and out  hit + or - while Holding the CTRL key  Actual Advice Mallard

has your sugar gone hard? Drop a lemon wedge in with it.

has your sugar gone hard? Drop a lemon wedge in with it.  Actual Advice Mallard

When meeting your GF's hot mom for the first time It is wise to not start a slow clap

When meeting your GF's hot mom for the first time It is wise to not start a slow clap  Actual Advice Mallard

Afraid of getting your car stolen? No worries, just unhook the battery. No thief will have the time to pop the hood.

Afraid of getting your car stolen? No worries, just unhook the battery. No thief will have the time to pop the hood.  Actual Advice Mallard

Have an itch? Heat a sock full of rice in the microwave and apply it to the itchy spot until you can no longer stand the heat. When you remove it, the itch will be gone.

Have an itch? Heat a sock full of rice in the microwave and apply it to the itchy spot until you can no longer stand the heat.  When you remove it, the itch will be gone.  Actual Advice Mallard

Don't date overweight women if they eat so much, it's because they compensate psychological issues

Don't date overweight women if they eat so much, it's because they compensate psychological issues  Actual Advice Mallard

When you're trying to lower your blinds pull the string to the left and they'll drop instantly

When you're trying to lower your blinds pull the string to the left and they'll drop instantly   Actual Advice Mallard

Want to enjoy interacting online with others? Don't take things so seriously.

Want to enjoy interacting online with others? Don't take things so seriously.  Actual Advice Mallard

If you have a cool vintage pic of your dad post it to r/pics rather than r/funny you'll get alot more karma that way

If you have a cool vintage pic of your dad  post it to r/pics rather than r/funny you'll get alot more karma that way   Actual Advice Mallard
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